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Steadier Footing - Matt
JUST LIKE THIS


Disclaimer: I don’t own the Harry Potter characters nor the song this fic is based on, they belong to respectively J.K. Rowling and Death Cab for Cutie.

There’s also a Dutch version of this, but that one was translated from this one.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

He never did like parties and like always he hadn’t enjoyed this one. Harry sat outside in front of the door, watching his friends stumble to their cars and thinking about how his life had gotten such a mess.

It's gotten late and now I want to be alone
All of our friends were here, they all have gone home
And here I sit on the front porch watching the drunks stumble forth into the night


It was seven years after his victory over Voldemort, when still in Hogwarts he imagined his life after Voldemort so much easier. Get married, raise some children and grow old with the love of his life; it all seemed so easy, but here he was; having wasted five years of what should have been the best years of his life.

‘Mind if I join you, Mister Potter?’

He jumped up - startled - and quickly spun around, only to be faced with his former best friend about an inch away.

"You gave me a heart attack; I did not see you there.
I thought you had disappeared so early away from here."
And this is the chance I never got to make a move.


‘Hermione! Don’t sneak up on me like that.’

‘Oy, come on Harry, you’re just way to tense these days.’

‘Well, what do you expect; hunting down dark wizards isn’t exactly good for your nerves is it? Besides, I thought everyone had left already.’

‘Apparently not, as you can see,’ she smiled and Harry felt the forgotten flame burn up once again. It was too late, he knew, he had had his chance.

‘So what have you been up to, haven’t seen you for ages,’ he asked, trying to keep the conversation going, not wanting the moment to end.

‘Oh you know, travelling and all. Nothing special really, can’t help that all my colleagues are so boring you fall asleep when they are trying to have fun. Really nice to be back again for a while, seeing you all and finally have some fun.’

‘So you enjoyed the party I guess.’

‘Yeah well, why wouldn’t I? You really have interesting friends you know, a bit weird I admit, but they’re nice.’

Harry grinned, still the same Hermione as she had always been.

‘So tell me, where did you find that Roger guy? If I wouldn’t have known better, I’d have thought he was raised by monkeys or something.’

‘I wouldn’t be surprised if that actually were true,’ he laughed, ‘it’s a funny story actually. I was waiting for Ron and Luna outside the baby-store and this man – Roger – came to me and asked for a quarter. I thought it was for cigarettes and gave it to him without much thought; but when I gave it to him he just threw it across the street. So I asked “Where did you do that for?” “Well I just felt like it.” “Did you suddenly feel a need to throw a quarter across the street?” “Well, no I felt like asking a quarter from a stranger and throw it across the street.” “So can I ask why?” “Of course you can…” “Yes…” “What?” “So why did you feel like it?” “Not a clue mister, just felt like it I guess.”’ Hermione was laughing hard now too.

‘He must have gotten on well with Luna then?’

‘Yes, you can say that again, can’t follow a word of their conversations, something about Prunkslacks and Giddlenors - well I think you can imagine it.’

‘Now, I dó know Snorkacks and Snurgels, but these are definitely new to me.’

‘You know, I’ve missed this; talking about absolute nonsense, it makes me want to go back in time just to relive those times.’

‘Ever thought of buying the ‘make your own timeturner’ pack at Weasleys’ Wizard Weeves? It really works, just not the way you want it.’

‘Yeah they gave me a test version of it and I ended up having to relive my break-up with Ginny.’

‘You make it sound as if it was the worst that could’ve happened; I thought you both agreed on ending the relationship.’

‘Sort of, but that didn’t stop us from having one huge row at the end of it, resulting in me getting Bat Bogey’d in the face.’

‘Oh, you poor boy.’

‘Don’t mock me.’

‘Well somebody has to. You don’t get mocked properly these days, to be honest you seem a little subdued today.’

‘Hmm…’

‘What’s with the hmm? Never thought of you as much of a thinker.’

‘Hmm… Hey! Was that an insult, young lady?’

‘What if it was? What’s you gonna do about it?’

‘Don’t make me hex you, would be a pity having tentacles on your pretty little face.’

‘Ha, I’d like to see you try. But really, tell me, what made you lose attention of this pretty little face?’

But we just talk about the people we've met in the last 5 years.
And will remember them in ten more?


It would have been so easy for him now, letting her know what he felt. The fact that his mind kept wandering off to her - even after not seeing her for months in a row, the fact that he couldn’t sleep because he needed to have her beside him and the fact that he couldn’t bear to live his life without her for one more second. It was an opportunity he shouldn’t waste; could he do it, what would she say. The same questions over and over, the fear of loosing her forever and the fear of never having her beside him, it was too much for him. Nervously he searched his pockets for his cigarettes. He lighted one and looked over the street in silent conflict.

‘Still smoking I see.’

‘Yes, you want one?’ he replied sheepishly, mentally slapping himself for not offering her one immediately. What happened to the man who thought of others first and himself later? It were all small things, but he knew he had changed, he had become more hardened; maybe out of necessity or just because he was angry for not having the life he wanted so badly.

‘No thanks, I just quit, bad for my health.’

‘Yeah, you’re probably right. I tried a few times, to quit I mean, but it just wouldn’t last.’

Just like this…

I let you bum a smoke, you quit this winter past.
I've tried twice before but like this, it just will not last.


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Here the full song once more, might you be interested...

It's gotten late and now I want to be alone
All of our friends were here, they all have gone home
And here I sit on the front porch watching the drunks stumble forth into the night
"You gave me a heart attack; I did not see you there. I thought you had disappeared so early away from here."
And this is the chance I never got to make a move.
But we just talk about the people we've met in the last 5 years.
And will remember them in ten more?
I let you bum a smoke, you quit this winter past.
I've tried twice before but like this, it just will not last.





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